Bad cold

Always the way, feel like shit today, had a cold all weekend, feel no better today, just tired & full of snot and chesty cough. Took a day off work, but need to go back tomorrow, although will be pissing about trying to get from one location to another. OH is away tonight, gone on a fishing trip. He hates fishing, but someone is leaving the department, and that was their leaving party of choice!

MFM

I never got round to posting something about my OH having an fling years ago, admitting it, and then telling me to do the same. Well he did and I did. Only problem has been that his fling was a mate, who now never really talks to him, mine was a guy I got chatting to online and turned out he lived nearby, we've continued chatting. I think that my said fling has now got married tho, he's not bothered mentioning this, but is still chatting to me.... wonder if his new wife knows? Thankfully my OH knows that I still talk to fling.

If two people in a relationship are open, honest, agree and want the same thing, is it wrong for them have flings with others, or bring a 3rd person into the bedroom?
Do most relationships fail, when a person cheats, lies and covers things up?
Do men or even women,think "It's ok for me to do it, but I don't want my partner to"?
Also, how come it always seems more acceptable to talk about FMF fun, than MFM fun? Men seem to have the monopoly on bragging about themselves and two women, yet poor young girl is just a slut for even thinking about having two guys!

Going back to fling, who is a soldier, turns out he's now in Afghanistan. Hope he stays safe.

Lazy

For fucks sake, I'm useless at keeping up to date with my blog, in fact am totally surprised I managed to guess my email and password correctly to get back into this.
I will try and make my entries more frequent, which could also be possible as I now only work part time. This is thanks to a medical episode I had a while ago. Collapsed at home, worked too hard and was too stressed, bought on some kind of seizure we think (we... as in me, the hospital and the OH).
I'm not sure what else has happened since the last entry, nothing of note... well been having a few ups and downs with the OH, no not the kind of sexy up and downs, far from it, quite the opposite which has caused the problems, and all my fault, but then I think that is down to the stress, and possibly the fact that I've discovered a strong attraction to women... I say strong, but it;s always been there, it just feels like now I'm older it's easier to deal with, and understand. But it hasn't helped that I've no idea how to actually go out and try and find a nice girl to hang out with. I'll be working on that online, and trying not to get embroiled in dodgy sex sites where I get hassled by men!

I feel knackered, my eyes are so tired! Managed to get the dog out for a walk, so he's nice and chilled, the little'un is asleep, thankfully. Driving me insane, had to escape upstairs and have a cry. I must be doing something wrong... but what is the right thing to do? Reasoning just won't work and I don't want to give in the for quiet life, because then you just turn your kids into brats (like a friend of mine). Dad's away at the moment, so maybe thats the problem?

Soldier from 3 RIFLES killed near Sangin on 6 March

James Bulger's mum Denise Fergus meets Jack Straw - mirror.co.uk

James Bulger's mum Denise Fergus meets Jack Straw - mirror.co.uk

Protect James's family.. not killers

I wonder why these two boys were ever allowed out. Could 2 kids who did something so horrific ever be rehabilitated? I doubt it very much. If kids could have that much hate, cruelty and lack of compassion, surely there would always be something in the back of their mind which could once again snap?
It seems if recent reports are correct this is exactly what's happened, all the support and use of tax payers money to give these two a safe and secure life, what a kick in the teeth that was for the Bulger family. Now one of them has once again done something, as yet we know not what,and proved that they should have stayed where they belong... behind bars. I don't believe in this rehabilitation nonsense. I'm sorry, but if you do the crime, expect to do the time. Justice in the UK is just laughable sometimes, there is such a liberal sympathetic attitude to people who realistically should be punished, for what they do to others. Where is the support for the victims?

James Bulger 16 Mar 1990 to 12 Feb 1993

Supernanny

What makes her an expert? Does she have kids? I find her so patronising. She comes along for a week, tells you what to do, dissapears then comes back and tells you where you've gone wrong. I think she'd have to put me on the naughty step after I punched her in the face!
Ok, so I admit that some of her techniques work, but she's so annoying and such a know it all!

I do also wonder though why do people have so many kids... if they find it hard to cope?

Bedtime

Don't really feel tired, but know I need to get to sleep as I'll be up with the sunrise in the morning... calls of I'm hungry and face being licked by the dog. Go to bed and watch a bit of telly then.

Looking back

Pondering the past recently, them carefree days, the ones with no real responsibility, only having to worry about yourself.
I had a discussion with OH the other night.
I always assumed women automatically had a maternal instinct, the minute you have a child that's it, it kicks in. Mine hasn't, and I feel guilty because it hasn't. Every other mother out there that I meet, seems so much better at it, and seems to have much more knoweledge, so what have I missed?
I get way too stressed, lose my patience quickly and somedays just wish it was me and OH again. I long for the past, that carefree attitude and less worrying. I look back and miss the nipping off on holiday or going away for a weekend. The last minute deciding to go out for a drink or for a browse around the shops.
The browsing at the shops never happens anymore. It's a far too stressful experience, and these days I just shop online for clothes, or in my lunch hour for food.
I feel guilty for longing for the past, and that there is no way anyone would understand, particularly friends who are also mums. I'd be treated like an outcast, shunned and hated by all. I'm sure people already think I'm a bit strange, because I work and don't stay at home. I think attitudes still expect wife and mother to stay at home.
I love being at work, it gets me away from home, gives me something grown up and interesting to do. Talking and meeting people is most of my job, and it's great to get out have a laugh and adult conversation.
Things will get better I hope, as the young one gets older.... or will the problems and worries get bigger and worse?

First one

Well here's the first blog entry. Welcome to the rollercoaster which is my life. Full of complications, stresses, anxiety and hopefully a little bit of happiness now and again.
I like to think life gets a bit easier, but for now it's just harder, more annoying and like a great big tunnel with no light, but I live in hope of finding the light.