I feel knackered, my eyes are so tired! Managed to get the dog out for a walk, so he's nice and chilled, the little'un is asleep, thankfully. Driving me insane, had to escape upstairs and have a cry. I must be doing something wrong... but what is the right thing to do? Reasoning just won't work and I don't want to give in the for quiet life, because then you just turn your kids into brats (like a friend of mine). Dad's away at the moment, so maybe thats the problem?

Soldier from 3 RIFLES killed near Sangin on 6 March

James Bulger's mum Denise Fergus meets Jack Straw - mirror.co.uk

James Bulger's mum Denise Fergus meets Jack Straw - mirror.co.uk

Protect James's family.. not killers

I wonder why these two boys were ever allowed out. Could 2 kids who did something so horrific ever be rehabilitated? I doubt it very much. If kids could have that much hate, cruelty and lack of compassion, surely there would always be something in the back of their mind which could once again snap?
It seems if recent reports are correct this is exactly what's happened, all the support and use of tax payers money to give these two a safe and secure life, what a kick in the teeth that was for the Bulger family. Now one of them has once again done something, as yet we know not what,and proved that they should have stayed where they belong... behind bars. I don't believe in this rehabilitation nonsense. I'm sorry, but if you do the crime, expect to do the time. Justice in the UK is just laughable sometimes, there is such a liberal sympathetic attitude to people who realistically should be punished, for what they do to others. Where is the support for the victims?

James Bulger 16 Mar 1990 to 12 Feb 1993

Supernanny

What makes her an expert? Does she have kids? I find her so patronising. She comes along for a week, tells you what to do, dissapears then comes back and tells you where you've gone wrong. I think she'd have to put me on the naughty step after I punched her in the face!
Ok, so I admit that some of her techniques work, but she's so annoying and such a know it all!

I do also wonder though why do people have so many kids... if they find it hard to cope?

Bedtime

Don't really feel tired, but know I need to get to sleep as I'll be up with the sunrise in the morning... calls of I'm hungry and face being licked by the dog. Go to bed and watch a bit of telly then.

Looking back

Pondering the past recently, them carefree days, the ones with no real responsibility, only having to worry about yourself.
I had a discussion with OH the other night.
I always assumed women automatically had a maternal instinct, the minute you have a child that's it, it kicks in. Mine hasn't, and I feel guilty because it hasn't. Every other mother out there that I meet, seems so much better at it, and seems to have much more knoweledge, so what have I missed?
I get way too stressed, lose my patience quickly and somedays just wish it was me and OH again. I long for the past, that carefree attitude and less worrying. I look back and miss the nipping off on holiday or going away for a weekend. The last minute deciding to go out for a drink or for a browse around the shops.
The browsing at the shops never happens anymore. It's a far too stressful experience, and these days I just shop online for clothes, or in my lunch hour for food.
I feel guilty for longing for the past, and that there is no way anyone would understand, particularly friends who are also mums. I'd be treated like an outcast, shunned and hated by all. I'm sure people already think I'm a bit strange, because I work and don't stay at home. I think attitudes still expect wife and mother to stay at home.
I love being at work, it gets me away from home, gives me something grown up and interesting to do. Talking and meeting people is most of my job, and it's great to get out have a laugh and adult conversation.
Things will get better I hope, as the young one gets older.... or will the problems and worries get bigger and worse?

First one

Well here's the first blog entry. Welcome to the rollercoaster which is my life. Full of complications, stresses, anxiety and hopefully a little bit of happiness now and again.
I like to think life gets a bit easier, but for now it's just harder, more annoying and like a great big tunnel with no light, but I live in hope of finding the light.