Scratching The Itch

Caught me at work this time! I put my Messenger on, basically because I left my phone at home.  But unsuspecting me got caught by Fling.  A pleasant surprise as I'd not heard anything in a while and always good to know he's doing alright.  But FFS, I should have known better than to try and hold a decent conversation.  It's not about decent conversations, it's about the indecent ones! I try to think of all the sayings that describe the situation and condition I find myself with.
He is a bit like an itch that you can't stop scratching. You think it's gone, then right when you're feeling more relaxed, more calm it's back and causing you grief.
Or you could compare him with a theme park ride... you know you shouldn't and it will be scary, you'll feel sick, but you'll have to keep going again, and again because the adrenalin rush it gives you is just so amazing.
I wonder if there is any type of patch to break the addiction?... will I end up having to go cold turkey?

Best Before

After clicking on my own links to other blogs, appears I do need to find some new one's and not link to ones which haven't been updated since last year.

David Cameron Stole My Aunt's Cat.......

British soldier gets forces' first bionic arm

London, Feb 19 (IANS) A British soldier, who lost his arm in a grenade attack in Afghanistan, has become the country's first military amputee to be fitted with a bionic arm............ Read More

Decisions

Life is full of them, and they always seem to be difficult.
Well, I've made it, I'm going to stay where I am, as long as I can get a slightly bigger house! That sounds really selfish, but it's not.  Well not entirely, I just want to be able to see more of my family and friends, and the MQ we have at the moment just isn't big enough.

Staying here after getting my hopes up isn't so bad afterall, hopefully I'll get to keep my job and with any luck, if we get the house we need all will be good.  If we don't get the house we need... then what.  My first thought was to just think oh fuck it, I'll go back to the UK on my own, although this would me staying with my parents until I could get settled... that could take someone like me a fucking age!

As for Fling... I've not mentioned the new plan to him.  To be honest the thought scares me, in fact I might be better of staying here because there is less chance of me being given the opportunity to meet up with him again.  That said, last time we emailed he was more than happy to make an effort to come and see me.  I think maybe that was just op tour boredom talking though.
I do concern myself with him a bit too much sometimes, I don't know whether it's because I worry about him at the moment, or if it's because feelings are going deeper, but I think it's just naughty excitement, a break from reality. Whatever the case, I know deep down he's a wanker, he's already shitting on his current girlfriend by keeping in contact with me.  So not the kind of guy you would give up anything for.... apart from a bored night when you have nothing better to do.

Fuck!!

Back again, after another long absence.  I do use this just to let off steam when I'm fucked off with something, I can assure you.

Well there I was looking forward to a nice trip back to the UK for two years, but once again OH has been manipulated by his unit into possibly staying in our overseas posting!
I'm right hacked off, 7 years I've been following him round, doing what he wants, I knew that army life was going to be like this, but that was before I had a seizure, which I thought may change things, but clearly not. He fed me lots of talk about putting the family first from now on..... nope, still the army.

Maybe things wouldn't be so bad if I could drive, but I've still got over 6 months to wait before I can apply to get my license back, since the seizure. I've lost so much independence without it, it may seem like such a small thing to people who don't or never have had a license or the need to drive.  But when you've spent the last 14 years driving, it's like a big part of your freedom has been taken away.  Public transport is fair enough, but in a foreign country, buses only every 30 minutes, not stopping where you need them to. Oh fuck I could just whinge on!

The bottom line is, I really wanted to go home, he really wants to stay. I'm bored, have lost a lot of friends since my seizure, have had to reduce to part time work.  He's enjoying his work, still has plenty of friends.  So there are a number of options: I stay, carry on feeling miserable and resenting him. We all go back, he hates his job, is miserable and resents me. I go back on my own, get a new job, more childcare options, my own money, save money, he stays behind keeps his enjoyable job, saves money and we see each other a few times a month, not that he'll care because he'll have all his mates around, I'll have mine and all will be well.

Oh for fucks sake!! I fucking hate the army sometimes.

PS. Fling is doing ok in Afghan and keeps in touch via email.