Fuck!!

Back again, after another long absence.  I do use this just to let off steam when I'm fucked off with something, I can assure you.

Well there I was looking forward to a nice trip back to the UK for two years, but once again OH has been manipulated by his unit into possibly staying in our overseas posting!
I'm right hacked off, 7 years I've been following him round, doing what he wants, I knew that army life was going to be like this, but that was before I had a seizure, which I thought may change things, but clearly not. He fed me lots of talk about putting the family first from now on..... nope, still the army.

Maybe things wouldn't be so bad if I could drive, but I've still got over 6 months to wait before I can apply to get my license back, since the seizure. I've lost so much independence without it, it may seem like such a small thing to people who don't or never have had a license or the need to drive.  But when you've spent the last 14 years driving, it's like a big part of your freedom has been taken away.  Public transport is fair enough, but in a foreign country, buses only every 30 minutes, not stopping where you need them to. Oh fuck I could just whinge on!

The bottom line is, I really wanted to go home, he really wants to stay. I'm bored, have lost a lot of friends since my seizure, have had to reduce to part time work.  He's enjoying his work, still has plenty of friends.  So there are a number of options: I stay, carry on feeling miserable and resenting him. We all go back, he hates his job, is miserable and resents me. I go back on my own, get a new job, more childcare options, my own money, save money, he stays behind keeps his enjoyable job, saves money and we see each other a few times a month, not that he'll care because he'll have all his mates around, I'll have mine and all will be well.

Oh for fucks sake!! I fucking hate the army sometimes.

PS. Fling is doing ok in Afghan and keeps in touch via email.